I Read Dinosaur Erotica so You Don’t Have To

Can writers learn anything from this genre? And do we really want to?

man with thought bubble showing woman and dinosaur
man with thought bubble showing woman and dinosaur
This probably isn’t you, but should it be? (Graphic made with Canva)

Choosing the Books

I knew one of my purchases had to be a Christie Sims novel. Sims is like the Stephen King of sauropod vs sapiens sex, and she’s built up quite the back catalog.

review of Wet Hot Allosaurus Summer, calling it unrealistic
review of Wet Hot Allosaurus Summer, calling it unrealistic
Screenshot by author

Space Raptor Butt Invasion

Author Chuck Tingle (almost certainly not a pseudonym) has boldly gone where no author has gone before, with one giant leap for interplanetary interspecies intercourse.

Tagline

My thoughts

I’m slightly disappointed. Not with the subject matter, mind you — it delivers exactly what I expected. I’m talking about Mr. Tingle’s prose, proofreading, and punctuation.

screenshot showing misformatted dialog
screenshot showing misformatted dialog
Screenshot by author

Plot

Protagonist Lance Tanner is an astronaut in a space station on Zorbus. Earth is becoming unlivable and they’re terraforming other planets. Lance’s partner is sent home, leaving him alone. Not for long, though.

screenshot showing more misformatted dialog
screenshot showing more misformatted dialog
“I agree,” Says Alex. “It doesn’t make sense.” (Screenshot by author)
the books’ characters question whether sex between a male human and a male dinosaur is gay
the books’ characters question whether sex between a male human and a male dinosaur is gay
Screenshot by author
the male human begs to be “pounded”
the male human begs to be “pounded”
Screenshot by author

Issues

  • This story is only 15 pages of the promised 34. Chuck Tingle has slipped in another, unrelated story about gay trucker sex, and I’m feeling slightly shortchanged. On the other hand, it was roughly 15 pages too long.
  • On the penultimate page, Orion instructs Lance to “take my Jurassic load.” This took me out of the story — any keen dinosaur scholar knows that velociraptors are from the Cretaceous period.
  • Mr. Tingle has clearly not done his research. Real velociraptors were closer to the size of a turkey than a human. And anatomically, as an avian dino, I’m fairly certain Orion would have a cloaca. Logistically, this coupling is a non-starter.

Final rating: 1.6 out of 5

I’m all for “live and let live” but if I have to read this again what kind of a life would that be?

Purchase regret rating: 4.7 out of 5

I’m going to ask for a refund, but the damage to my Amazon recommendations has already been done.

Taken By the T-Rex

With 88 reviews on Amazon UK (and 134 on Amazon US), I was hoping for a more immersive experience than Chuck Tingle’s offering. I could rely on Christie Sims, couldn’t I?

The premise

Huntress Drin’s village is decimated by a T-Rex, forcing the tribe to relocate. Drin prepares traps in case the beast returns. (Spoiler alert: it does.)

Blurb

My thoughts

Co-authors Christie Sims and Alara Branwen have earned their place in the dino porn pantheon. At some points, I thought I was reading James Joyce.

Plot

The female human protagonist, Drin, sees her village destroyed and her mother bitten in half, then swears revenge on the dino responsible.

Screenshot by author

Issues

  • For a 19-page book, Sims takes a lot of time to reach the erotic part of the story. When it comes, we are treated to only three pages of the deed itself.
  • Actually, that’s probably a good thing.
  • “Book” is a strong word for this collection of words, of which roughly half are either “big” or “lizard.”
  • At one point Drin hunts a deer. I can suspend disbelief when it comes to humans and dinosaurs co-existing if the plot hinges on it, but this just took me out of the narrative.
  • Actually, being taken out of the narrative was probably a good thing.
  • The titular T-Rex is an adolescent. Is this problematic?
  • It is selling considerably better than either of my books, one of which is over 280 pages long.
  • No, I’m not jealous.

Final rating: 2.1 out of 5

I will give Sims her credit — she did more research than Chuck Tingle. The dinosaur has feathers, something young T-Rexes probably would have had. This is how Drin knows it’s an adolescent; the fact that it’s only three meters long might be a giveaway, too.

Purchase regret rating: 3.2 out of 5

Maybe I’ll keep this eBook for future reference if I’m struggling to think of adjectives and want that struggle to continue.

Should You Write Dinosaur Erotica?

Everyone stresses the importance of finding your niche, or your tribe. Judging by the reviews, there’s an even split between people who are legitimately turned on by dino dongs, and people who buy the books as a gag gift.

Freelance writer, humorist, and author of two weird books about animals. Top writer in Humor & Satire. Get my books here: https://cutt.ly/dxRNMuj

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