AI-Detection Tools Suck, So Here’s Mine

Boasting my propietary method known as ‘complete guesswork’

These guys will make sure your content is wholly human. Trust them. (Photo by Eric Krull on Unsplash)

The rapid rise of AI has been exciting, scary, or perhaps a mixture of the two, depending on your perspective and whether or not you’re human.

Some people think it will usher in an era of unprecedented productivity and creativity, where AI will take care of the mundane, mind-numbing tasks and give creators more time to spend on their art.

At the moment, AI is taking care of the creative endeavours and giving creators more time to spend on mundane, mind-numbing tasks.

As a writer and photographer, I’m excited for my skills to be further devalued.

I have unreasonable demands like wanting money in exchange for services, while ChatGPT is more affordable, requires fewer coffee breaks, and can run rings around me in terms of words-per-minute output.

Perhaps when there is even less demand for my services, I can find a new job fanning servers with a palm frond so image generators can continue to churn out pictures of people with weird hands.

Anyway, I digress.

For now, there’s still a certain stigma around using AI writing. Yet as the technology improves, it’s getting harder to tell genuine human content from cold computational output.

As a client, you want genuine, unique content — not machine-generated mulch. Not because you want to support human creators, of course, but because it’s probably bad for SEO, or something.

But how to tell what’s human and what’s machine?

Worry not, because AI detectors are on the case.

These innovative programs use, err, artificial intelligence to decipher whether a human’s meaty fingers painstakingly typed the paragraphs or a large language model spit out a sentence.

Think of these technological turncloaks as replicants hunting down older models in Blade Runner. Keeping your website safe from unreliable AI with the good kind of AI.

It doesn’t matter that two different AI checkers might get wildly different results from the same passage of writing, or that the same detection software could change its mind…